Wade and Ryan are just two kids getting ready to go their first day of High School. Their about to go through 4 of the best years of their life. Well, at least until day 1 starts. That's when Wade and Ryan see another freshman getting stuffed into a locker by 2 high school bullies. Wade, to Ryan's displeasure, decides to step in and stop what is going on. And so begins their days of being brutally picked on. It doesn't help that Wade is as skinny as a toothpick, Ryan is short and fat, and Emmit, the kid they `rescued', is about 4 feet tall and befriends them like a parasite even though Ryan doesn't want to be friends with him. Thanks to Wade, the three of them are constantly picked on and bullied around by the 2 high school bullies and there is nothing they can do about it. They even go to the principal to complain, but the principal doesn't believe it or doesn't care (couldn't figure it out) cause the bully is such a nice and polite kid in front of parents. So they take matters in to their own hands and hire a bodyguard to protect them. And in walks Owen Wilson as Drillbit Taylor. Drillbit is a homeless ex Army Ranger. He decides to work for the kids, but really he's just going to rob them blind. He just wants to leave and go to Canada, but needs to `earn' the money for the plane ticket.



The story is pretty 1-2-3 with some comedy thrown in. If I say this is a `typical' Hollywood movie, then I'm pretty sure you can guess how the rest of the story is going to go, and trust me when I say it does.



Now I'm sure you are saying, "Yeah, but at least it's funny. It's got Owen Wilson". Well first off, if you've seen an Owen Wilson comedy movie, then you've really seen them all. He barely changes. His comedy is the same all the time. He might be louder sometimes than others, but his delivery is the same. I'm not saying he's a terrible actor, I'm just saying his funny side is always the same (which can be bad or good depending on the viewer). Secondly, some of the story was just way too out there. For instance, we have a homeless guy, who puts on a suit, and then somehow tricks a school into letting him be a teacher. Classroom AND Gym teacher. All because he's holding a coffee mug...*being rolling eyes...now*. I honestly and truly didn't find myself laughing at this except for one scene and that was when Wade and Ryan decided to learn to take a punch. They just start hitting each other as hard as they can in all types of body parts and hearing each of them scream after each hit had me laughing pretty hard. Wade has the pre-maturist man scream ever. The half scream, half cry was so funny. But other than that, there wasn't a lot going for it. Parts of the story were so hard to believe like the teacher part mentioned above and then there was a part with ALL the parents confronting the principal and the bully, yet the parents all thought the bully was a good kid and that their own children were just over reacting. Yeah right. I think my Mom woulda slapped the crap out of anyone if they had messed with me like that kid was messing with them.



Being rated PG-13 I think helps a lot since since I think the movie would work well for kids still in middle school. Maybe they would find more humor and story in it than I did.